30 SINGLE, AND NOT IN A RUSH - AND THATS OKAY
“You’re 31?! I thought you were 24—you look so young! So, when are you getting married? You don’t want kids?”
These questions started coming at me like punches in a boxing match as I got closer to my 30s. At one point, just the thought of discussing these topics would give me anxiety because I knew that if I voiced how I truly felt, most people wouldn’t relate. It always made me feel like the odd one more like a unicorn.
Being a flight attendant only adds another layer to the judgment. There’s this weird stigma around our job, like the word “flight attendant” automatically translates to free-spirited, promiscuous, and responsibility-free in people’s minds. So, whenever the conversation of marriage and kids came up, I felt like my opinion would go in one ear and out the other especially with more traditional-minded people.
The first thing people assume is, “You travel so much, you don’t have time for a man or kids. Maybe that’s why you feel this way.” And that grinds my gears more than anything. People love making assumptions based on what they think rather than what they’ve actually experienced. The airline industry is filled with people who have families and kids. My job gives me more flexibility than any of my past corporate jobs, so if I wanted a family, it wouldn’t be impossible. But here’s the thing I’m just not the woman who’s going to throw myself into something just to say I have a ring and a family.
Am I a Unicorn?
A few months ago, I started embracing the idea that maybe I am a unicorn. The first person who said it to me was a man, referring to my approach to dating, relationships, and life in general. He would always say, “In all my years of dating, I’ve never met a woman who thinks like you.” At first, I brushed it off, thinking he was just talking to hear himself talk. But as these conversations started happening in different friend groups, I realized he wasn’t lying.
I remember struggling to make friends in Atlanta because so many conversations centered around finding a man, being in our 30s and running out of time, or wanting to be a stay-at-home wife. There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things, but every time I left those conversations, I felt disconnected like I was carrying the weight of expectations that weren’t even mine.
30 Is Not an Expiration Date
One trend that doesn’t sit right with me is how often women in their 30s call themselves old as if we’re somehow past our prime or running out of time. It seems harmless on the surface, but when you dig deeper, it’s a reflection of the pressure society puts on women to hit certain milestones by a certain age. And honestly? I don’t resonate with that energy.
Words have power. If you keep telling yourself that life is passing you by or that you’re behind, you start to believe it. And if we’re being real, these conversations almost always circle back to relationships. Who’s getting married? Who’s still single? Who feels unworthy because their love life isn’t where they thought it would be?
It makes forming genuine friendships harder because the focus is always external what a man can provide rather than internal fulfillment, personal growth, or simply enjoying life as it is. And let’s be real people don’t talk about the marriages that were forced, the ones held together by obligation rather than joy, or the sacrifices made just to keep up appearances. But that’s a conversation for another time.
So when you see a woman happy and single, don’t assume she’s miserable. Some of us are genuinely at peace, living on our own terms without feeling like we’re missing out.
Redefining What Matters
I want to be around women who see 30 and beyond as a time of evolution, not expiration. Women who aren’t treating life like a race to some societal finish line. Our parents, grandparents, and generations before us lived by timelines they didn’t have the luxury to question but we do.
For me, everything I do is for my validation. I travel. I try new things. I live for my own peace, not to fit into someone else’s expectations. As much as women may want a man, I crave internal peace and growth more than anything. That’s the real foundation for any relationship.
I think sometimes we lose sight of people being human because we want love so badly. We’ll sacrifice parts of ourselves just to feel chosen. But being whole within yourself is more important than rushing into something just to say you have it.
Society looks down on single women with no kids like there’s something wrong with us. But instead of asking why we’re single, they need to shine more light on the women who are doing the work internally. Because when you’re whole within yourself, you attract the energy that’s meant for you.
So please, stop asking women when they’re getting married and having kids. That’s not everyone’s identity, nor is it a priority for me. What is a priority? Internal peace, living life on my own terms, and finding real happiness not just something that looks good online.